Scientologists reduce Dublin drug crime by 85%, totally not making shit up

Oh, no. Wait. They kind of are. In a New Year’s celebration hosted by leader David Miscavige (don’t ask where his wife is, lol) Scientologists outlined how they have single-handedly eradicated drug crime in Dublin, out of the bullshit of their hearts. In a mind-numblingly boring video (below – from about 2:00 on) that gives […]

Read this article…

Stressed house-hunters try new tactics in Moygashel, Tyrone

While reports suggest the housing market is on the road to recovery, there are still those who find the prospect of finding somewhere to live a daunting prospect. A group in Tyrone have implemented new measures in a bid to narrow down the competition for safe and reasonably priced rental accommodation. “Oftentimes, you’d call the […]

Read this article…

Gun enthusiast and Painter, George Zimmerman, shows us how it’s done

Here at The Empty Shirt, we appreciate good public relations work and we certainly see it in noted killer, George Zimmerman’s latest campaign. Zimmerman, who was implicated in the shooting death of a 17-year-old in Florida last year, suffered a hit in his personal stock after the incident. He, like the best publicists in the […]

Read this article…

Naughty Boy for sale, pick-up only (Limerick)

This slightly used specimen of humanity would make an ideal Christmas present for those in need of a dungeon slave or pet human that they forget to feed  occasionally. He’s being sold by mankind, who wants a quick sale. No time-wasters, please. Serious offers only. Product specifications: 1x male human, unboxed Unfortunate name (knock-off of […]

Read this article…

Mrs Claus files for divorce, claims husband is “too interested in children”

In an Empty Shirt exclusive, today we sat down for a brief interview with Finnish socialite, Mrs. Claus, just hours after the world woke to the shocking news that she has filed for divorce from her husband of many years, Mr. Claus, claiming “Saint Nick” is not so saintly after all. Thank you for joining […]

Read this article…

Pilgrims complete religious devotion in “12 pubs” – one for each disciple

Thousands of pilgrims across the world have been pledging their devotion to Christ ahead of the Christmas season, in a devotion colloquially referred to as “12 Pubs”. Debate remains over the origins of the devotion, which sees Christians undertake a gruelling display of digestive agility while imbibing large amounts of water which has been turned […]

Read this article…

Amnesty International left red-faced after criticising North Korean weight-loss camps

Amnesty International pushed the international community for comment and action this week after the release of a report in which they detailed what they claimed were human rights abuses in North Korean prison camps. This is despite how well the camp at the centre of their investigation, Yodok concentration camp (or Kwan-Li-So 15) is reviewed […]

Read this article…

Ukraine and EU, a love story – as told by guest-writer, The Stoner Turtle

The citizens of Ukraine like really, really want to join the fun-fest that is the European Union because they hear there’s an opening for a  bunga-bunga party host now that Berlusconi is in time out. Like, they are crazy eager, man. EU’s pretty desperate for friends because he’s had a bunch of people bail on […]

Read this article…

NUIG’s Legion of Mary Society sticks it to gay people

There was a bit of a hubbub in the National University Of Ireland in Galway recently. The Legion of Mary Society (a Catholic group rather than a society for people named Mary, unfortunately) put up posters around the campus urging gay people to get in touch with them so they can help them pray away […]

Read this article…
Skip to toolbar