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“We’re going to get away with this too”, says Catholic church on 796 dead children

4 June 2014

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The Catholic Church, which claims 84% membership in Ireland following the 2011 Census, was defiant last night when faced with criticism regarding a mass grave of 796 children found on a site in Tuam, Co. Galway. “People are all up in arms at the moment about this cess pit thing” said a Bishop who helped […]

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The Empty Shirt endorses Edvard Hund for Local Elections 2014

6 May 2014

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The Empty Shirt tries (and fails) to be apolitical most of the time but we would like to take this opportunity to put our support behind latecomer Edvard Hund, who is campaigning for the rights of dogs. We think you’ll agree that this is an issue ignored by most candidates and urge you to put […]

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Irish Government to reinstate Magdalene Laundries for Good Friday 2015

18 April 2014

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  A government spokesperson announced plans to bring back their oft maligned “Magdalene Laundries” scheme during next year’s Easter period, on the back of the successful prohibition of the sale of alcohol on Good Friday. “This move will benefit parents everywhere”, said the spokesperson. “Nuns will arrive and take your children for the day. Parents […]

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Clash of the Sinners

12 March 2014

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Tensions were high today in the National University of Ireland, Galway, as the Gardaí responded to an impromptu protest on campus. Four members of the increasingly controversial Christian Soc displayed poster boards in the halls of NUIG’s Concourse, which the general student population found offensive. The posters encouraged a “No” vote in an upcoming campus […]

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Irish Ukrainians, NOT RUSSIANS

4 March 2014

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For some reason, The Empty Shirt woke up this morning feeling oddly like an Irish Ukrainian. And certainly not like a stinking Commie Russian. The Shirt experienced a distinct urge to get rid of all the vodka and beetroot in the vicinity but overcame this insanity quickly. We don’t like to read into things too […]

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VIDEO – RTE apologises to the Iona Institute and Stephen Merchant

31 January 2014

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Following the recent controversy involving RTE’s “Saturday Night Show” and the illustrious Iona Institute, RTE has discovered it likes apologising for stuff. According to a source, plans are being set in motion to apologise for being mean to Larry Murphy during the time of his conviction. The Empty Shirt is committed to bringing our audience […]

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Healy-Eames saving money yet again; uses Oireachtas funds and facilities to publicise Reform Alliance

21 January 2014

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We are no stranger to Senator Fidelma Healy-Eames’ knack for saving money here at The Empty Shirt. Today, we learned we should never take her skills for granted. There is always more you can do. Water down that milk. Cut open the toothpaste tube and scrape every bit of that toothpaste out. Use Seanad materials […]

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Scientologists reduce Dublin drug crime by 85%, totally not making shit up

15 January 2014

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Oh, no. Wait. They kind of are. In a New Year’s celebration hosted by leader David Miscavige (don’t ask where his wife is, lol) Scientologists outlined how they have single-handedly eradicated drug crime in Dublin, out of the bullshit of their hearts. In a mind-numblingly boring video (below – from about 2:00 on) that gives […]

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Stressed house-hunters try new tactics in Moygashel, Tyrone

2 January 2014

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While reports suggest the housing market is on the road to recovery, there are still those who find the prospect of finding somewhere to live a daunting prospect. A group in Tyrone have implemented new measures in a bid to narrow down the competition for safe and reasonably priced rental accommodation. “Oftentimes, you’d call the […]

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VIDEO – The Empty Shirt’s preview of Enda Kenny’s bailout speech

15 December 2013

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