“We’re going to get away with this too”, says Catholic church on 796 dead children

Written by Sarah Garvey

Topics: Irish News

Via: @Limerick1914

The Catholic Church, which claims 84% membership in Ireland following the 2011 Census, was defiant last night when faced with criticism regarding a mass grave of 796 children found on a site in Tuam, Co. Galway.

“People are all up in arms at the moment about this cess pit thing” said a Bishop who helped cover for a paedophile priest that one time, “but it’s not going to make a difference in the long-term”.

“We’ve got people wearing our merch everywhere you go. People can’t meet up with their extended family without dropping our name first. We own the schools. People come to us and give us money every week. We don’t even have to go to them. We’re not worried”.

The publication of documents by local historian, Catherine Corless, has shocked the community of Tuam and beyond, despite the fact that the grave was initially discovered in the 1970s.

Responding to suggestions that this discovery may do the Catholic Church in Ireland serious damage, a church spokesperson was optimistic:

“We said some prayers over the septic tank full of dead babies in the 70s and then we covered it with cement and kind of forgot about it. Were we not supposed to do that? That was the tradition back then, you know. Cementing over the cracks”.

When asked to comment on the case, Pope Francis said that couples who choose not to have children are selfish and should be ashamed of themselves and submit to a greater moral authority.

The Irish government also weighed in on the matter:

“Boy, are we going to have a meeting about having a meeting about this”.

When asked about plans for the future, the church spokesperson was candid:

“We’re going to need more cement”.

For all the latest, follow The Empty Shirt on Facebook. Here’s a petition you can sign about this if you’re in the mood.

Editor’s note: Youth Defence remain silent on this thus far, as these weren’t the right kind of babies to defend.

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