Irish Government to reinstate Magdalene Laundries for Good Friday 2015

Written by Sarah Garvey

Topics: Irish News


A government spokesperson announced plans to bring back their oft maligned “Magdalene Laundries” scheme during next year’s Easter period, on the back of the successful prohibition of the sale of alcohol on Good Friday.

“This move will benefit parents everywhere”, said the spokesperson.

“Nuns will arrive and take your children for the day. Parents across Ireland will enjoy a well-earned break”.

Responding to criticism that the practice will be mandatory and enforced by law, the spokesperson lamented the character of the nation.

“Can you not do without your children for one day? This just shows the problem we, as a nation, have with dependency on our children”.

Ways to flout the law are already being discussed among dissenters, with some claiming that provided you have a train ticket or event ticket for your child, you will be allowed to remain in their company.

“These exceptions exist because it shows that the purpose of these excursions is not solely to be in the company of your child, that it is just incidental. It is only aimless fraternisation that we wish to stop” said a nun, who was at the briefing because she got lost on the way to mass, “almost like the country got lost on the way to salvation”.

The spokesperson refused to guarantee that children would not be sold while in the care of the Magdalene Sisters.

“Come on, can anyone really guarantee such a thing? This government does not deal in the hypothetical”.

Meanwhile, the Qatari government expressed its pleasure that “Experience Qatar Day” has also been announced for future Good Fridays, following sizeable cash donations to the CRC.

“Money really can buy anything” they said. “See you at the World Cup”.

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