Irish Ukrainians, NOT RUSSIANS

Written by Sarah Garvey

Topics: Europe News, Irish News

For some reason, The Empty Shirt woke up this morning feeling oddly like an Irish Ukrainian. And certainly not like a stinking Commie Russian. The Shirt experienced a distinct urge to get rid of all the vodka and beetroot in the vicinity but overcame this insanity quickly.

We don’t like to read into things too much here but after much deliberation, we conceded that this patriotic feeling we felt for Ukraine may have had something to do with this happening during last night’s Primetime on everyone’s favourite state broadcaster, RTE.

The loop repeated for about 15 minutes, bleeding into ad breaks, while members of the public attempted to contact RTE to let them know what was happening, sweetly thinking nobody had noticed.

Then, the terrorists released this threat.

By attacking the Late Late Show, these terrorists attack our very being. Sure, Ryan Tubridy presents himself as the sort of man who could easily deal with unexpected problems while remaining suave and unflustered but are we, the Irish the Ukrainian people, willing to let these monsters interrupt our much-loved misery porn on a Friday night? We say “nyet”.

And messing with a highly respected political party is just not on, guys.

To our readers: do not be alarmed. If you come across one of these “hackers” in real life (you can tell because they write their names backwards and crazy stuff like that), just point to a cat (it’s their kryptonite) and run away or, if you must confront it, say the following phrase firmly while making a shooing motion with your hands:

“Listen here, Zero Cool. I don’t want any trouble. So, just take your floppy disks and rollerblade on out of here”.

Tune into this Friday’s Late Late Show for what could be the Second Act of this little production.

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And remember: Ірландські українці, а не росіяни. Стоматологічна план. Ліза потребує дужки. Убийте невіруючих.

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