Ukrainian government goes full Orwell

Written by Sarah Garvey

Topics: World News

newscomau

“Do you think it’s too much?” queried Terry, by the photocopier.

“Nah. It’ll bring a little levity to the situation. Send the text. It will be hilarious” replied Viktor, nursing a luke-warm coffee.

Terry pushed the big red button.

All over Kiev, people’s phones started to beep. Tens of thousands at the same time. Like a bad Hollywood film.

“Dear subscriber, you are registered as a participant in a mass disturbance”.

Back at the office, Terry and Viktor stifled their laughter.

“Best. Prank. Ever”.

Terry’s phone beeped, someone had replied.

“Dear Operators, kiss my revolutionary ass”.

“Well, that’s mean”. Terry slumped down in his chair. “Maybe they don’t get our humour. Should we get Chad to stop with the loudspeaker”?

They looked over to Chad, who was putting on his most intimidating voice for the loudspeaker.

“Citizens! You will be held responsible. This assembly is unlawful. The ministry of internal investigations of Kiev demands you to stop these actions and to follow the laws. Also warning of legal consequences awaiting the participants and organizers present. Approaching members of police closer than 3 meters is considered an attempted assault on their life. In response, harsh actions of self-defense will be taken.”

“Chad, stop! They think we’re serious. Jesus. Can you imagine if this were real?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Unfortunately, this is real. Here’s an infographic of new laws the Ukrainian government passed in an attempt to dissuade protestors, including 3 years in prison for “spreading extremist materials” and revocation of driving license and car for “driving in column of more than 5 cars”.

The government used cell towers near protests to contact the phones of people who were in a certain range of them and send the above text.

From Reddit:

“Initial reaction is “oh shit!” But then I look up and see an ocean of faces around me and I’m not afraid, I feel a deep roaring anger well up in the pit of my stomach, now it’s really on.” Link.

On a lighter note, here is a badass catapult the protestors made.

Update – RIP, catapult.

If you want to follow the protests as they happen, here are some livestreams. 1, 2, 3.

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