Gun enthusiast and Painter, George Zimmerman, shows us how it’s done

Written by Sarah Garvey

Topics: World News

Here at The Empty Shirt, we appreciate good public relations work and we certainly see it in noted killer, George Zimmerman’s latest campaign.

Zimmerman, who was implicated in the shooting death of a 17-year-old in Florida last year, suffered a hit in his personal stock after the incident.

He, like the best publicists in the biz, knew that a new image was in order. He decided to reveal his artistic side to the world and bravely put a painting of his up on Ebay, with the highest bid currently at over $100,000.

Follow Zim’s guide to a new image with these easy steps:

  • Shut the Press down before they can treat you badly by calling them “liberals”. It’s like their kryptonite. Next time you get arrested for threatening people and waving guns around, they won’t know what to do because they’ll still be busy recovering from the burn you inflicted upon them.
  • Readily accept compliments like “True American Hero”, knowing that people dislike false modesty.
  • Retweet news reports about missing black women so people know you’re not a racist.
  • Calmly explain that you are Hispanic and, therefore, cannot be racist.
  • Quote the Lord’s Prayer on Twitter to demonstrate your piousness and, therefore, innocence.

This New Year, we resolve to be more like George Zimmerman, who made the best out of a bad situation. Not only did George paint a shitty painting, he also painted himself as the victim in all of this. And that, my friends, takes courage.

Let’s vow to be more courageous in 2014. So hold your head and your guns high and journey on into the breach.

To quote an admirer from George’s Ebay page, “a true winner is someone that figures out how to make lemmon aide from lemmons”.

Follow George Zimmerman on Twitter for all the latest PR news and The Empty Shirt on Facebook for other stuff.


1 Comment For This Post I'd Love to Hear Yours!

  1. “George Zimmerman shows us how it’s done”

    If you use some of the letters from that sentence it reads “Ge e Z us”

    Do you think …………..?

    He was crucified by the liberals and has resurrected himself ………

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