There’s something wrong with the meat again, etc, etc

Written by Sarah Garvey

Topics: Europe News, Irish News

Yes, we’re this adorable. You monster.


Journalists everywhere dusted off their “meat problems” story templates today, after news broke that, once again, someone is taking the piss regarding Irish meat.

The Irish Farmers Association (you know, the ones with the sexy calendars) DNA-tested meat sold in Irish supermarkets and found that about half of meat sold in this country did not originate here, contrary to labelling suggesting it did.

Anti-immigration groups were quick to condemn the findings, claiming that meat importation is all very well and good but that it’s an alarming situation when a meat ethnic group used to being the majority meat ethnic group finds itself suddenly in the minority.

“There are a lot of Irish pigs out there who are very tolerant of newcomers, you know, they’d have Polish friends that go on to be sausages and that…but they’re worried about whether or not there will be room for them on Irish dinner tables in the future” said a spokesperson for Not Racist Just Concerned (NRJC).

The IFA stated that it was acting on a tip it received from a member of the public regarding the foreign meat.

“Somebody squealed” said Mr. November of the IFA’s 2014 calendar.

“They were concerned about the amount of pigs being trafficked here under false pretences. These pigs are promised a new life in Ireland, jobs as zoo animals or petting zoo performers – only to get here and find themselves embroiled in…sorry, broiled. Sometimes even smoked. It’s heartbreaking. Every now and again we manage to rescue one or two of these pigs and when you get to them their eyes have taken on this glaze, along with their bodies. Usually, it’s honey-based”.

Bórd Bia has committed to aggressively addressing this problem, pledging to carry out in-depth tests to ensure that meat being sold as “Irish” is indeed Irish. Measures will include Irish-language testing.

“We’ll speak a few simple phrases as Gaeilge to the pigs” said a Bórd Bia spokeswoman. “If the pig understands us, chances are it’s not Irish. The Irish school system has ensured that no Irish pig should understand Irish”.

This scandal follows on the back of a similar horsemeat scandal earlier this year.

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